What 2019 Has Taught Me

What 2019 Has Taught Me Reverie Wonderland

2019 has been a roller-coaster ride. Compared to 2018 which has been a positive year, 2019 was... totally different. It gave me so many lessons that I'll surely carry on my way to 2020.

New opportunities, new challenges.

I remember last January 2019, it was my first time to be hired as a Digital Marketing personnel for a cafe/restaurant. It's the first time for me as well to be working full-time outside the comfort of my home. I need to go to work everyday from Monday-Saturday. Because I do freelancing work and still jumbling on my content creator duties for myself, I requested to work overtime instead-but from Monday - Friday only. I was so happy that my boss agreed and it helped me big time to keep track of all my activities.

Because of that, I was able to save some money and buy merchandise and games as part of my collection. My job at that time, though I don't have a big salary, helped me a lot in so many ways. Since my mom was still on her vacation, she's the one attending to my father's needs especially his medicines.

I was able to give time and focus on uploading on Instagram, editing/uploading videos on YouTube and do blogging. It was the best moment of my life. I met and discover new friends online because it gave me time to focus on what I love doing.

I decided to register for the JLPT N5 exam which happened last July 2019. Those moments were inspiring months. Or so I think...

It was April 2019 when I got hired for my second job. My former boss was a close friend of my new boss and he referred me to him. I got hired as a Social Media Manager for a local Filipino comfort food restaurant, to which I am still working as I am writing this post. I started working and got an offer to work from 10am - 7pm from Monday-Friday.

It was a really challenging job. And it became really challenging because my mom has to go back to her work outside the country. I was left to take care of my dad. So along the way, I need to help with the house and his medical expenses.

Sometime between August and September, my new boss offered me to work from 8am - 6pm from Monday to Saturday. Because I desperately need to have money to support my hobbies and family, I accepted it. It was easy at first until it is taking a toll on me.

Health, desperate times and letting go.

I noticed that I have frequent absences and been stressed out easily because I am not used to spending almost everyday at my work. I had to let go of the things that I've been doing for myself which is content creating. I can't update my main blog and edit/upload videos often. Yes, I do have the money that I need. But I don't have the time. I can't even spend a day with my dad and talk to him about things. I also can't spend more time with my boyfriend. I can't sit down and play the games that I usually play. I can only converse to my online friends for a maximum of 10-15 minutes.

I suffered from intense stress that almost turned out into depression. I almost lost myself. I've been in a foul mood everyday. I guess I'm really lucky that my boyfriend has been there and been patient about me. I am lucky that I am working with my former boss too. I was able to vent out some of the things that are happening to me. Without these people, maybe I am lost already.

Sometime between September to October, until December, one of our business clients (this is related to our events management business that my boyfriend runs), didn't able to pay us on time. My boyfriend ended up with a big amount of debt.

I felt so heartbroken. Like, this is the reality of his life. It made me think, am I ready to be with this situation forever? How I wish that I've met someone with the financial capacity to support himself and me. And what if that person will not allow me to work anymore, but instead support me financially on what I love doing? The materialistic side of me has woken. It's not healthy. I know for myself that I am not like this.

Standing up and moving on.

Someone gave a comment to one of my Instagram posts. That person apparently made an account just to check what I post on both posts and IG stories. Damn, if only this person knows that I am struggling with my life. Until now I can't seem to understand why such people exist. But you know, I guess she's been a big help. Her negative comment made me realize a lot of things and she made my losing self wake up. ((I know you are reading this blog post. I wanna say my biggest thanks :) ))

My former boss has been talking about inspirational stuff too. I guess both him and that person who commented really shaken my whole system. It made me realize that I need to do something about myself. I have found the things that I love to do. So now, I need to think of ways on how I can keep it up.

God probably did a miracle. That client paid 1/3 of the total amount and it helped my boyfriend to recover somehow. I've been doing my part to support him emotionally because I can't offer anything financially to him because I need money for my family too. But we are lucky that we were able to survive this year.

I started a small online business. I am selling some of the Anime/Game merchandise that I have and I accept Japan shopping orders. It helped me a lot. I managed to save some money and some, I used to purchase the games that I wanna buy for myself.

I passed my JLPT exam as well. It was another push that inspired me.

I decided to give more time to talk to my friends. They might be afar but their motivations helped me a lot. I pushed myself to keep on uploading content although only at Instagram and at least upload stuff on my YouTube channels and blogs.

Still struggling.

My dad's health is unstable but it's manageable. I do hope that he'll be okay and we can survive another year. I miss my mom a lot. If only I have a job that I can earn enough to fund all our expenses.

I realize that content creating has been a big part of what I love to do. It was something that I do that made me unnoticed the time. I wanna figure out how can I allot my time to it if my full-time work requires me to be there almost 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, with all our work being monitored and needed to report our daily accomplishments and to-dos everyday.

Up until now, I am questioning myself, "this job can support my hobby and my family expenses financially. But is this what I really LOVE to do? Do I really need to sacrifice what I love doing for the money? Will I be able to discover something that can help me to fulfill my goal and still can support my family?"

I wanna dedicate 2020 as a year for me. I wanna make it a blast again! I will push myself more to do what I love. And I hope this year will make me realize what does matters, and what shall I do to support myself and my family while doing what I love doing.

Thank you so much 2019. The lessons in life that I've learned has been a lot. I received blessings and stress at the same time. I managed to survive a year. 2020, I am so ready for you. I will do my utmost best!

What's the biggest lesson you've learned in 2019?

Thanks for reading and happy new year!

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